T-minus two weeks.
I should really be asleep right now, but I’ve been tossing and turning for the last two hours to no avail. The imminence of my departure has only really just dawned on me, as most of my possessions now sit in boxes, waiting to be moved back to Los Angeles and then to New York. You know, sometimes I think I’m better at articulating complex social structures than I am my own inner thoughts, but right now, I’m making the attempt in the hopes of triggering a catharsis that will help settle my mind.
I’ve always thought of myself as a restless soul, and I’ve worked very hard to be in the position that I am currently in now. I’ve spent the past three years thinking about what I wanted to do next, what my goals were, and how I could go about achieving them. I always tried to appreciate the present, which I don’t think I failed at, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t constantly have an eye toward the future.
But now, being on the cusp has forced me truly confront what I’m leaving behind; and it’s a lot. I’ve spent the last 8 years of my life in this place. I’ve come to learn many of its nooks and crannies. The people here are among the closest friends I’ve ever had, and for the last 3 years, I’ve walked into the same office every Monday through Friday where I know I do meaningful (if not the most lucrative) work.
There’s comfort in that familiarity, but it’s more than that. These are people that I’m comfortable being vulnerable in front of, and that I know won’t judge me for my insecurities; they’re relationships that don’t come about everyday. The thought of losing that is a little more difficult than I had originally anticipated.
At the end of the day, I know that I’ll be okay. I know that my passion, ambition, and resilience will carry me through. But as with everything else in life, getting to that point is a process, and laying this out has helped me work through it. I should really sleep now.